I have been suffering from something called the writer’s block lately. I have been feeling burnt out for a good while already, to be honest. I try to blog because it’s fun but in the pastime it has been kinda hard to come up with a neatly written story.
You might have not noticed my struggles yet because I still try to get those 3 – 4 blogs out every week but it seems more difficult for me every time to give my okay to the stories I’ve composed lately. I have the story laid out in my head, have a great amount of topics I could write about but then, when I finally get around to seeing it in front of me, I am deeply disappointed. I feel like my earlier posts were more productive than my latest one. Maybe I’m too hard on myself – I do aim for the near to perfect work. I don’t know, but it’s starting to bother me like crazy. My thoughts are spinning around in my head and I sometimes lack the ability to put them in a clear order or in the way I wanted them to look initially.
I’ve been also writing an awful lot lately, though. I have found a Brooklyn-based magazine online which has already sent me on a few assignments (so far two articles and maybe another one in progress, I will see) in the past two weeks. Then I FINALLY got around to start a project I should have started on a lot earlier: I wrote the first two pages of a book about my first year here in New York (to not forget how I felt, to reflect what I’ve been through, and to have something I can look back at). I started with English, then switched to German, and now I am confused which language to pick. I am most comfortable writing in German, as I feel I have mastered this language to perfection, and I am able to play with words and phrases in a way I cannot do (yet) in any other language. English is not my prime language and I am still learning a lot when writing. New Vocabulary, grammar errors, sentence structures… a good amount of deal. I am still getting those things right and trying out some new approaces. But when I wrote in German I felt that piece of writing was plain boring and without much passion. Maybe I will go back and stick to English. Just another problem of a bilingual writer!
I’m not sure if I ever got around to tell you the real reason why I began writing this blog. There is an overall reason, too, of course, but what really triggered me to finally realize this “project” were two fine guys my age, whom I had met on a night out in Park Slope (yes, Brooklyn neighborhood). They were both grad students aiming for their Master’s in creative writing so I felt I could learn a lot from them and exchange ideas. Anyhow, we got to talk about some projects and I told them that I really, really wanted to write a book about this life-changing experience but that it seemed so hard for me to realize because I didn’t know how and where to start. I asked them for direct advice. They said I am a great talker but I have to start somewhere. So I started with this first. To see where my limits are, if I experience any improvements in my writing, if I am ready to hold up a certain amount of stories a week….. And now I started coming up with articles (for fun) and drafted a few pages of a book.
Unfortunately it’s not going exactly the way I want it to go and that is currently frustrating and a bit de-motivating. Probably this is completely normal not only for new writers but also for life-long narrators. I guess I am looking for some sort of inspiration. Or an English composition course!
Writer’s block – yup, it got me and I don’t know how to get out of this one!