Sometimes I feel that days just fly by. That we aren’t in control of clock time as much as we would like to. That days turn into weeks and weeks into months. That all of a sudden a new year has come and with it some new changes. That lots of changes are happening for others but not necessarily for oneself and that stagnation can cause feelings of downfall instead of stableness.
Finding a proper schedule to work on my own projects and passion in addition to having a rather unpredictable schedule at my bill-paying job has proven to be quite the challenge. Sometimes I get off from my first job (which sometimes goes as late as 3 AM) and just sleep until late morning. It’s hard to make the most out of your day if you’re not able to get up early and do chores before noon. I’ve been trying to find more of a routine but working flexible hours and changing schedules have been messing with my biological clock big-time.
I do have days off in between. Sometimes having a day off means recharging batteries and finally resting so I don’t feel overly productive when licking my wounds and preparing to go back to work the next day. Some days I wake up and have to catch myself. “Is it really Saturday?” I think to myself. “Is it really the end of the month? Is it really 2 months into the new year? What have I been doing for the past days/ weeks/ months?”
On some days it’s hard to see the overall picture one likes to paint of oneself and life. On other days it’s difficult to keep moving on in the direction one had initially wanted to go. Some days are terrifying. Others are terrifyingly boring.
I want to catch up on e-mails to friends and family so badly but cannot ever find the right time to do so. Or the humongous amount of posts and pictures I would still like to edit. Not to mention other personal projects I want to get it going on.
When trying to make the best with the available time, I have some days that are fully booked. I love to see friends and witness some great culture and art in one of the most significant cities of the US. Or visit workshops on subjects I like. Sometimes I feel that a smaller city would put less pressure on me always having to explore my surroundings and giving the impression to be busy.
But oh the boredom that comes with being at a less accelerating place that runs at a more leisurely pace…
So as days go by, I sometimes stop and hold to take in the following: I cannot believe I’ve been calling this country my home for almost the past 5 years already. Or this apartment my sanctuary and oasis of peace for the past 2 ½ years (oh how much time it took to finally settle). Or my current part-time job my most significant bill-payer for the past 9 months.
No matter how we turn and twist it, we cannot do anything about the past. The only way to live is the now. And to find a purpose in the now.
How are your perceptions on time? Do you have any effective time-management tools you want to share? Do you get everything accomplished in the time you’ve thought or does it sometimes take forever?