New York is an interesting city in many aspects. Dating is one of them. It is an entire story by itself and not everyone gets the game that is being played.
In Germany, dating seemed quite easy: You meet someone on a night out, exchange phone numbers, get in touch, and then hang out. Maybe you become a couple after this. Simple, right?
Here you have to deal with various other factors. Potential problem number one: Distance. The guy you meet at a club or bar does not necessarily live in the City. He might just be here for a week-long vacation or for a two-day-stay and originally comes from any other part of the Tri-State-area. Needless to say that dating poses a problem in this case. Albeit it might be exciting to date a European for 2 weeks straight, the heart-ache will be much worse as soon as his plane leaves – with him on board and you left stranded in the City. Trust me!
Potential problem number two: Nightclubs! Most of the future candidates I have met on an eventful night out. My roommate advised me well when she told me from the beginning that I will never get to know a decent guy in a club. It took me a while to figure this out. Before this I met the guy who seemed overly sweet and caretaking. Until he asked me to “hang out” with him and his brother at his apartment in Spanish Harlem right after our first dinner together. Needless to say I didn’t stay in touch with him. The same goes for the guy who had quite an interesting life but who made it clear from the first meeting that he had a girlfriend and was expecting other “benefits” from our relationship (without letting his gf know, of course!). I had a great time leading him on and then letting him down in the very last second. Or the guy who seemed to deal with so many problems in his life that a “closer relationship” would just not fit into his “busy schedule.” Too busy to date but still enough time for a quickie? Seriously?!
I have to admit that all of these individuals sound plain nuts in hindsight (about as much as they did at the time I dealt with them). I still think that any girl who would commit to something like this must be very desperate or have low self-esteem. Sadly,though, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were quite a few (good-looking) chicks who fall for their hollow words. It is New York, after all, the city that has everything and where new life styles are made up almost instantaneously.
Therefore, it is not uncommon to not only date several persons but to look around and see what else you can get. Potential problem number three: Promiscuity and infidelity! I know people who are seeing at least two candidates at a time just to make sure they will get the best out of each of their partners and to not be involved with each person too seriously. Blond and Brunette, Black and White, Rich and Poor – you find it all here and some people don’t see any reason to go down the stony road of a deep commitment to only one individual when they can just take the easy way out. Well, why should they if they can have it all, and even better when both parties agree (and they do, at least in the beginning).
Potential problem number four: Cheapness. Some guys here simply do not care about making a lasting impression. My roommates are from Belarus, an Eastern European country, and for some reason it is in their mentality to not be invited whenever a guy asks them out. I, on the other hand, would never pay for my own dinner if on a date, unless I am not interested in the guy and want to leave the situation as soon as possible. Since so many different cultures clash together here, you run into these weird dudes who seem to not see a relation between being a gentleman and paying for both parties in the beginning. I remember this one man who asked me out several times but then was too cheap to take over the bill. There was really no intent from my side to meet up again, for who knows what else he expects me to pay, possibly his rent when it comes to that?
Yes, it sometimes is ridiculous what you walk into here. You can get to know people at meet-ups or at work (not advised), in the park or at the beach. But what it all comes out to is that most potential males here don’t seem too interested in getting to know you very well but they are more geared towards having “fun” as defined by their own standards. Or they lose their interest very suddenly, as if something else came along. The distraction rate here is quite high, in case you didn’t realize.
It goes both ways, though, as many girls do not seem ready to jump into anything in the same way guys refrain from this. In the beginning I could develop an understanding for their perspective but now I regard such behavior as simply immature. It seems that most people here are not ready to be emotionally close while facing the danger of having their feelings hurt.
New York City – a play ground for grown-ups, but mostly at the expense of deep relationships and intimacy!