Last week was my birthday – an occasion I consider well worthy of spilling out my thoughts on!
I turned 24 – hallelujah – such a natural age. And to answer your initial question, I DO NOT feel older, nor do I experience other emotions some people seem to fight once they hit 21 or above (albeit I have to admit I have met more Europeans who are going through these age issues from an early time on as opposed to Americans).
I deeply feel that I couldn’t imagine myself being anywhere else at this point in life and I would have never been able to forgive myself if I hadn’t tried very hard to stay in this city. Therefore, I am glad I am still here in New York. Technically, it is my second birthday I have been attending to in the Big Apple. Last year, it was a smaller celebration, this year it was none at all. I spent the day at the beach, it was a nice premature summer day, and the ocean spared enough refreshment, making up for the heat. Overall, a very nice day. But spent by myself almost entirely.
To draw a conclusion from this, what I have come to see is that even after one year of being here it continues to be difficult to find people you can rely on. I, for example, haven’t been able to form close relationships that last longer than a few months or weeks during this entire year.
Yes, there are other factors involved, too, of course. People come here, then move away again. Other friends have changed to a degree to which I just didn’t want to deal with them anymore. Again others have distanced themselves from me.
There are many reasons. And relax, all of this sounds sadder than it truly is. My theory is that there is always a trade-off in being at a place you passionately love or having people with you who you can count upon. I am 100 percent positive that I am NOT the only person out there who has gone through this, especially in a city like New York. It is easy to meet new people – agreed – but it is hard to connect to someone here and have a deep relationship with him or her. This especially applies when you are tired of the casual small talk and shallow promises which are so prevalent in American culture.
All of the persons I can count upon are still at home, in Germany, and that is good as is. All the things I want to accomplish are here, though, and that is good in a way, too. Birthdays and other holidays just make me wish I could share it with someone I feel a deeper connection to, and that describes the situation I was in last week.
But hey, no worries, I am over it, I am not traumatized, and I am definitely not going to curse out my new year. It’s not that much of a deal to pull me down. I just hope that I will be able to spend my big 25 either with my real friends or to go to a great travel destination. Ideally, I will be able to accomplish both, but that is only to be hoped for.
So, happy birthday to myself, and off to the next year of excitement. Welcome to 24!
Tell me your thoughts on this and what you did for your 24th, it might make me feel better…?!